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Well yesterday was a little uneasy, we saw many people from Penny's side wearing biker leather jackets and we felt a little over dressed compared to them. But also, we felt like we were intruding on the family gathering. Everyone stared at us like we didn't belong, we felt that way really.



Cassey was the only one who looked happy to see us, right when she saw us she came walking toward us. She gave us all a hug and adressed us like we were family. Draggers went flying at mother because she was adressed as mom loud enough to be heard by everyone.



Minus that, Cassey gave us a look that meant save me from everyone here, because she's couped with the fact of her mother dieing. She was the only one who didn't cry when talking about her mother.... but we couldn't stay since it felt uneasy, so we left.



Its sad that a death of someone brings the whole family together in the end.

Today is the first time I've been to a memorial and though I can't stay long, it seems depressing even though its not till later. Penny was a wonderful mother and she past away this week due to Breast Cancer, she was one of my mother's closest friends and a second mother to me and my sister. Her daughter Cassey is 23 and is part of our family, it hurts me to think that someone so close to me lost someone who was supposed to live and give her away at the wedding, watch her graduate from college, or see her daughters career in full bloom and to be there for the ups and downs.....



But that won't happen, she won't be there to tell her everything will be alright and its not your last day to live..... I sometimes fear for the same fate to happen to me when I get older, I'm afraid of loosing my own mother to diabetes and praying its a dream, even though I know she's not coming back.... it really scares me, that I have to watch my fears happen to someone else that I care for and watch them go through the same pain I did with loosing my father. No one should have to go through that process of loosing a parent to something that can't be cured or taken care of.....



Penny I hope you rest in peace and watch all of us from heaven and be there for Cassey when she needs thoughs cheering up words and protect her from harm. We will take care of her here on earth till its our time to go.

Hmmm..... guess we start with relationships. Finally kicked my ex out of my house 3 weeks ago and I'm slowly getting back to my normal self. School is going better than ever, all my grades are above a C+ right now for 1st semester. I've joined more clubs after school, which is great, otherwise I wouldn't know as many people as I do now lol.



*sighs* But I can't forget the people who I have lost..... my father has been dead for over a year, xxxslaughter has been gone for 2 years, and my grandfather has been gone for 12 years now.... the 2 men I need most in my life are gone and yet I still remember everything they taught me. Soon my grandmother will be leaving this world of illusions to be with grandfather, the last of the Barton family will be my aunts, uncles, cousins, sister, and my mother..... and a sad thing is... I'm so happy she gets to leave this place, she shouldn't be seeing this world turning horrible. The only thing I wish in this world is to say good-bye to the last of the oldest generation before its too late, even if she won't remember me as her granddaughter.